I am an idiot

I am an idiot


For the first time in over 7 years of charting, I missed my peak day. When I was bleeding on CD 24, which is what happens with no post peak support, I was like what is happening? Evidently I am little dense. The good news? No time to dwell on last cycle, this cycle is already here and time to start clomid and do it all again. And I guess it's also good that I wasn't obsessing. Or rather, the obsessing started a little late due to Halloween, etc. We had in laws in town for AJ's third birthday (how in the world is my baby three?! And so very tall!) and time just keeps flying by. I would be lying if I didn't say I was a little bummed to not have taken advantage of the opportunity since we are supposed to get pregnant as soon as possible post treatment, but I am fine. I do feel it will come. And that's what I am most anxious about. But I don't dwell on it. It isn't here yet and when/if it comes, I will have lots of opportunity to take deep breaths and hand it over to God.

I am sort of stuck in a cycle of almost get rid of yeast, but not quite, just in time to restart abx. I am doing alright. The docs are making sure we have a steady supply of the necessary meds and as soon as we stop the abx, we start that. I am not dying like I was initially, just a minor annoyance and definitely something we can handle.

And anti inflammatory diet, yeah, I suck. I haven't done it. At the risk of sounding childish, it looks extremely hard and I got overwhelmed and avoided it. Mature right? I did, however, start eating more edamame for soy, more salmon (as much as we can afford-good grief!) and trying to cut back on my crazy sugar habit. The kids have crap in the house I don't like, and I don't really buy it, so I am doing alright for now, but Halloween was a gigantic fail! I don't care about cake or ice cream or hard candy or popsicles, but give me a snickers or peanut/almond/peanut butter mm's and oh my goodness. Heaven.

Speaking of heaven, I finally told Charlie he wouldn't have a body in heaven. It has come up a few times and I thought he was too young. It was a funny reaction. He was like, I am not going to have a head?! Yeah, still pretty tough for a 5 yr old to wrap your brain around. Heck, hard for me! But it was cute because he said eating anything he wanted was going to be his favorite part of heaven! lol. He is totally my kid. Anyway, he found the silver lining. Does that mean no naps? You got it buddy. He was very happy. Me, naps sound like heaven to me, but what do I know? I trust whatever God has waiting for us, it will blow the top of almond mm's :)

Since my theme today is there is no theme, I will add I went back and read the chapter from Jen Hat.maker's book 7 on stress. I love how she prays 7 times daily, so I bought the book Seven Sacred Pauses. I got it out again yesterday and started making notes. I would really like to do this. Pray for those with addiction, orphans alone, fresh starts, etc based on the position of the sun. I just really want to be more mindful during my day. Right now I am mostly just aware of how much time I am wasting.

If you don't mind saying a prayer for dh and I, I would appreciate it. We are only "together" when we are ttc right now and we also abstain for pregnancies so...it's been really hard. It seems when that drops off, in general we just start feeling or acting more separate-hard to know which comes first but its a perpetual cycle that takes really conscious effort to break.

On a totally unrelated note, but I know you will appreciate it, dh and I have tickets to go see Jim Gaffigan! Hopefully a date night will help bring back that feeling of closeness! I just liked him on fb and oh my, his statuses are so entertaining. For lots of fun buy Dad is Fat on audio. He reads it and it is 5 1/2 hrs of comedy. If you don't believe, just watch the you tube trailer for Mr. Universe or rent it for a buck on redbox. Good stuff!